Life From Under the Toilet

$299 for a Kindle? An Open Letter to Amazon.com

2009-07-13T12:13:00.003-04:00

I got an email this morning announcing that Amazon.com was lowering the price of the Kindle, and decided to send my thoughts to Amazon's customer service
department.

This morning, I received an email announcing that you were lowering the price of the Kindle by $60. That's all well and good, but frankly it's not nearly enough to make me consider buying one.

There is no doubt that eBooks are extremely convenient, and will likely only increase in popularity. On my iPhone, I have both Stanza and the Kindle application installed, and use both regularly.

The problem is that the price of the eBooks themselves do not justify the price of the Kindle. Even your own prices are evidence of this; for example, one of the eBooks I purchased for my iPhone Kindle application is Simon Singh's "Trick or Treatment." As I type this, the Amazon.com paperback price of the book is $12.21--and the eBook price is $12.57, *more* than the paperback.

That simply doesn't make sense. There is no good reason why the retail price of an eBook is even *comparable* to the price of a paperback, much less *more* than the paperback.

It's no secret that a sizable portion of the wholesale price of a book (and therefore, a large chunk of the retail price) is the expense of printing, binding, shipping, storage, etc.--expenses that do not apply to eBooks. (As an application developer, I know full well that the per-book cost of eBook file storage and delivery is practically negligible.)

As far as I can tell, the only expenses that hard-copy books and eBooks have in common is the intellectual property itself, editing, and promotion, which make up a fraction of the price of a hard-copy book. Based on that, I would consider the fair price of an eBook to be between 25 and 50% of the price of the paperback version of the book.

The main attraction of eBooks is the convenience of having an entire library in the palm of your hand. In a struggling economy, it takes quite a bit of chutzpah to ask people to shell out $299 for what amounts to a luxury of convenience.

You need to take a lesson from Apple. The first iPods were expensive, but Apple was smart enough to realize that they could compensate for that expense by charging substantially *less* for the music than buying a retail CD. The average cost of a CD is about $16, whereas most albums on iTunes cost $9.99 or less (sometimes more for extended albums, like 2-CD sets). That's roughly a 40% discount on music, PLUS convenience, PLUS you can burn it to a CD if you so choose. (You also have the added convenience of simply buying a song or two rather than an entire album, but that's rarely applicable to books, so I don't think it's a fair comparison.)

Apple didn't stop there, either. They started coming out with cheaper models, for those who didn't need to store an entire massive library on their portable music player. Today, the average price of a portable CD player is $20-$50 depending on quality; but for $79, you can get an iPod Shuffle that will hold about 1,000 songs, or 50-100 albums. So consumers get more for their money if they get an iPod and buy their music online than they would by listening to CDs.

As I see it, the main difference between the iPod model and the Kindle model is that while both add convenience, there is financial incentive for a consumer to go the iPod route. Consumers save enough money buying songs through iTunes that they quickly recoup the cost of the iPod itself, and save money in the long run. In contrast, given examples like "Trick or Treatment," even the most avid reader may *never* recoup the cost of the Kindle, or save money at all. The Kindle has convenience, but Apple has convenience *and* makes sound financial sense for the consumer.

In short, I feel that you've missed the boat. While the Kindle is a great piece of technology, your business model is, frankly, guaranteed to make sure that it will never even approach the success of the iPod. I know that, at this point in time, I simply have no desire to buy a Kindle. It doesn't make financial sense for me to do so. The convenience is not worth the hefty price tag.
To change my mind, you need to seriously change your business model. Specifically:

Flexible pricing on the Kindle hardware itself; different models, with different prices, for different needs. Some people will want to carry an entire library, some people will only need/want to have a book or two and maybe some newspapers or magazines. Give people a less expensive option.
Lower the price on Kindle eBooks to, at most, 60% of the paperback cost of the same book. Give people a reason to buy them beyond the convenience of having them all on a handy electronic device. I think, if you price it correctly, you could even get away with charging slightly more for newer books, and lowering the price after six months or so.

If you don't fundamentally change the Kindle's business model, its success is going to be extremely limited. What's more, you're opening yourself up to another company (such as, for example, Apple) to come in with a more consumer-friendly business model and destroy your marketshare.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope you consider what I've said when you determine the future of the Kindle line. I'm posting this letter on my blog at http://underthetoilet.blogspot.com, and from speaking to other people, I don't think I'm alone in my criticism of the Kindle's business model.

D'oh!

2008-07-25T08:37:00.002-04:00

It turns out that the website I linked to the other day, purporting to be the personal website of Radovan Karadzic's alter ego "Dr." Dragan Dabic, is a hoax. However, it turns out that "Dabic" does have a real site, located here.

For All You Alt-Med Fans

2008-07-22T22:28:00.006-04:00

Here's an interesting web site.

It's for an up-and-coming alternative medicine practitioner in the former Yugoslavia.

Well, to be completely honest, it turns out that the alternative medicine practitioner in question is none other than Radovan Karadzic. Yikes.

Creepy, no?

(Screenshot attached in case "Dragan's" web site goes down for some reason.)

That's a Movie?!?!?!

2008-07-22T22:21:00.003-04:00

I find it entertaining that these guys' reaction to this trailer was very similar to my own.

"Beverly Hills Chihuahua?" What, seriously?!?

It's Official - We're Screwed

2008-07-01T19:11:00.002-04:00

Starbucks is closing 600 stores.

This means one of two things:

The economy is officially in the crapper.
Armaggeddon is upon us.

I could go either way on this one.

News of the Stupid

2008-06-14T15:35:00.006-04:00

The flooding in Iowa is causing some people to refer to it as "our version of Katrina." Incredible. Katrina killed roughly 2,000 people, and almost three years later, the region still hasn't recovered. I feel for people affected by the flooding, but the folks in Iowa need to get some perspective. The flooding is a disaster, but Katrina it ain't.
Some people in Florida need to get a life. Apparently, the horrible crime that is causing the residents of Melbourne to get their knickers in a twist is that a secluded house may be hosting a Swingers club.

Is the house noisy? Not particularly. Are they dealing drugs there? Not as far as anyone can tell. Apparently the neighbors just don't like the traffic, so they're setting up pickets (!) and taking down license plates, to be sent to local officials. (What the officials are supposed to do with those license plates, I don't know; even if the owners of the club are committing a crime, the people going there are not.)

Personally, I think they're just jealous because they didn't get invited.
Fox News, that bastion of journalistic integrity, has been forced to apologize for labeling Michelle Obama as Barak's "Baby Momma."

This is the third time in the past two weeks Fox has had to apologize to Obama; first, a commentator "joked" that Obama should be "knocked off:"

Then, they called his bumping fists with his wife a "terrorist fist jab." I couldn't believe this when I first heard about it--surely, people can't be that stupid, right? Wrong:

Apparently Fox has decided to move from simply being blatantly right-wing to being blatantly racist and stupid, too--a perfect trifecta of insanity. What the hell is wrong with Fox News? What the hell is wrong with people who watch that crap?
Finally, there's a member of the Royal Family who I'd actually want to spend time with. First, she's cute, and second, she apparently enjoys "frolicking naked."
Governor Sonny has endorsed a rail line from Atlanta to Griffin. I'm all for expanded commuter rail, but Griffin has a population of less than 25,000 people, a minority of whom work in Atlanta. Who the hell is going to be riding this train? The metro Atlanta area desperately needs expanded mass transit; more MARTA rail, more bus routes, hell, even the Beltline sounds good right now. But a line from Atlanta to Griffin? This would be a pointless waste of money that needs to be spent building mass transit in Atlanta.

On a related (and scary) note, apparently Perdue's name is up for consideration to be John McCain's running mate. I guess Dan Quayle wasn't available.

Tonight I head off to Skeptics in the Pub, and on Monday, I fly out to Las Vegas for The Amazing Meeting 6. w00t!

And the Best(er) Man is....

2008-06-04T11:16:00.002-04:00

Walter Koenig will apparently be George Takei's best man for his upcoming wedding. CBS has the story here.

(I can't take credit for the "Bester" joke. That goes to my friend Masala Skeptic.)

Movie Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

2008-06-02T17:43:00.006-04:00

I finally got the chance to see Indy 4 on Saturday. And as I sit here to write this review, I find myself struck by an interesting question; is it more accurate to say that sucked, or that it blew?

But I'll leave philosophical matters to people smarter than I. At the end of the day, at the very least we can say that it sucked so hard it should've been sponsored by Hoover.

First, the movie's name was entirely wrong. It wasn't Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It was Henry Jones, Jr. and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Indiana Jones, the swashbuckling, clever, funny, womanizing action hero is clearly dead; he's been replaced by some old, unfunny guy who enjoys giving archaeology lectures - at any place, at any time, for any reason, at any excuse.

Second, it was boring. Indiana Jones isn't supposed to be boring! But there I was, half an hour into the film, wondering when something was going to happen.

In fairness, it starts off pretty good, with Indy being kidnapped by a gaggle of Russians intent on stealing something from (sigh) Area 51. The Object In Question turns out to be a super-magnetic coffin, which mysteriously only attracts metal when it's necessary for the story. In an effort to build suspense, the Russians open the coffin at one point, but we only get to see a shriveled hand. Of course, I'm sure nobody could hazard a guess at what sort of corpse they'd be keeping at Area frakking 51.

Jones, true to form, seizes a chance to escape, and there's a pretty cool action scene that follows which culminates, believe it or not, in Indy's survival of a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator. Really. (Though in all fairness, I can't really say that's any more unrealistic than anything from the other three movies.)

The movie pretty much goes downhill from there.

Jones' involvement in the incident leads the FBI to suspect him of working for the Soviets (of course), so he loses his job and starts looking for answers about this mystery coffin. While looking for his old friend Oxley (played by John Hurt, who's apparently taken to "slumming"), Jones meets Mutt Williams, played by Shia LaBeouf, who overacted so horribly that I haven't decided whether to nickname him "Hammy" or "Shatner."

And nothing happens. Then, after a while, nothing continues to happen. Jones and Mutt, the Dynamic Duo of Dull, go down to South America to hunt after some lost conquistador and this poor Oxley fellow, who we eventually find out is bat-crap crazy. (Which might explain John Hurt's desire to be in this wretched waste of celluloid.)

Finally we get to some decent action scenes in the jungle as Jones & Co. go to battle with the psychic warriors of the KGB while trying to take the psychic crystal skull back to the Lost City of Gold. (There are sooo many things about that sentence I wish were a joke.) Without giving too much away, I'll just say that the Big Climactic Scene is utterly disappointing. And the ending...well, the ending convinced me that Indiana Jones is well and truly dead.

At the end of the day, though, none of that is why I disliked the movie. I expect bad acting and implausible plots from Indiana Jones movies. Hell, that's why the last three were so much fun!

But the last three were fun, and that's what Kingdom was missing. It just wasn't any fun. Even the jokes were lame, and they were little more than references to the other movies (even to the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, believe it or not).

The real disappointment for me is that this is a horrible way for the franchise to end. They could have simply ended on a high note and left off with Last Crusade. But no, they had to try and squeeze one more out, apparently for no other reason than just to make one more movie.

Here's hoping the rest of the summer movies aren't so disappointing. I leave you with one last Indiana Jones haiku:

That movie sucked hard
It was beyond insipid
Lucas should retire.

Timegate 2008

2008-05-27T21:55:00.010-04:00

Well, Timegate is now an official capital-C Con.

This was our first time as a multi-day event; previous Timegates were one-day events held at the Tucker Elks Lodge.

The great thing is, in almost all respects, the con was a raging success. I tried to talk to as many people as I could, and the feedback was universally positive. Everybody seemed to have a really, really good time.

Our two "A-list" media guests, Tony "Master Bra'Tac" Amendola and John "Sgt. Benton" Levene, were both a hit. They were both extremely happy to be there with the fans, and it definitely showed. It was absolutely wonderful to have them; they were engaging, funny, charming, and all-around great con guests. To say they made themselves available would be an understatement; they went out of their way to meet and talk to as many people as they could.

In addition, Dr. Kevin Grazier, scientific adviser for Battlestar Galactica and Eureka, was extremely popular with the congoers. Of course, he couldn't tell us anything he knew about where the shows were going, but I definitely got the impression that the next run of BSG is going to make the series up until now seem like rainbows and lollipops (granted, I largely came to this conclusion before I even met the guy, but hey).

Kevin's sense of humor is a bit on the goofy side, which certainly made him fun to hang around with. As mentioned in a previous post, a highlight of the con for me was watching the Mars landing live, while he explained who people were and what was going on.

Louie Robinson has been at the past couple of Timegates, and he is one of my personal favorite guests. Today he's a singer-songwriter here in Atlanta, but back in the 70s he worked for the BBC as a sound tech, where he worked on...Doctor Who. He and John had a great time talking about The Old Days, when Jon Pertwee was the Doctor and the Daleks could still be thwarted by a set of stairs. Louie's interests are wide and varied, and he's a huge Sherlock Holmes fan—it wasn't 100% on-topic for the con, but the Sherlock Holmes panel he did was really popular, and I'd like to do it again next year.

A particular hit, which didn't surprise me in the least, was our con suite. Theresa, the woman who volunteered to run it, is a phenomenal cook who enjoys cooking for people. We've been treated to her cooking at the past few Timegates, and it is not to be missed. A highlight of the weekend was the British-style afternoon tea on Saturday, with freshly brewed tea and all sorts of yummy English munchies.

On Saturday night we had a Cabaret, involving performances by John, Tony, and Louie. Admission was $5.00, which went to Habitat for Humanity and PAWS. I admit, I was skeptical of the idea; I have a long, long list of interests, and the word "Cabaret" does not appear near the top.

Until Saturday evening, ticket sales for the Cabaret were very low. We didn't want to embarrass ourselves (and our guests) with a pitiful turnout, so we did some aggressive selling and tried to get the word out. Once people realized that it was the guests performing, and that it wasn't a general talent show, people started getting interested, and by time it was ready to go we had a pretty long line to get into the room. People really enjoyed it, too, which makes me think it might be worth doing again next year. (I think the general lesson here is to do a better job informing people about it before or as they register.)

In addition to the Cabaret, we had a number of performances through the weekend, from ARTC, MRAP, Professor Satyre's Sci-Fried Sideshow, and Hyperdrive, all of whom received rave reviews.

The hotel is, for the most part, ideal. The space seems wonderfully suited for cons, with the ballrooms and conference rooms all facing a central atrium with lots of seating space. There were a number of complaints about slow service at the bar and in the restaurant, though, and we'll definitely be discussing that with the hotel.

The only down side to the weekend was that due to some last-minute cancellations, we didn't make our room count, and turnout was a little light (around 250 people). So we're looking at ways to raise some money to cover our losses, and unfortunately we're going to have to think long and hard about how much we spend next year.

The first con is the toughest, a proving ground for future events. I don't know how much we can conclude about why more people didn't come, but I'm sure the rising gas prices played a role. But with everyone telling us how much they enjoyed themselves, I have absolute confidence that next year attendance will be significantly higher. We geeks aren't known for keeping our opinions to ourselves, after all.

I know I'm missing some things, particularly our other wonderful guests (namely Jana Oliver, Lars and Christa Pearson, and David Harmer), but the Sleep Demon is once again approaching and demanding my immediate and total submission.

In summary, though, I think for our first year as a Con, Timegate was a massive success. I'd like to extend hearty thanks to our staff, our guests, and most of all, to the congoers. See you next year!

DOH!!!!

2008-05-27T21:15:00.003-04:00

Oh, this can't be comfortable.

So remember, boys and girls, when you day-dream about becoming an astronaut and exploring outer space, just keep in mind the words "the three-man crew will have to make do with a jury-rigged system when they need to urinate."

Timegate and Phoenix

2008-05-26T22:25:00.003-04:00

I just returned from Timegate, a local convention that I'm privileged to work on as part of the leadership team. I'll have a more detailed report once I've had some of that "sleep" stuff I keep hearing about, but I did want to mention a high point of the con.

One of our guests was Dr. Kevin Grazier, a scientist from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Aside from Dr. Grazier's part-time work as scientific adviser for such shows as Battlestar Galactica and Eureka, part of Dr. Grazier's work at the JPL involves the Phoenix Mars Lander, which landed...during our con.

We set up a projector, and through the magic of the InterTubes we watched the landing live while Dr. Grazier explained what was going on. The word "cool" just can't do that justice.

Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer, has been beside himself watching the reports coming in. He made the video below to talk about what is quite possibly the coolest photograph ever taken. Ever.

Indiana Jones Haiku

2008-05-21T21:56:00.004-04:00

For reasons not entirely clear to me, someone on a listserv I'm on suggested that we all come up with Indiana Jones-themed haiku in honor of tonight's release of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Here is what my deranged brain cooked up.

Indiana Jones
Graces the screens once more but
Where's John Rhys Davies?

Cate is a hottie
And Russian accents are cute
I bet he gets some.

His bullwhip will crack
Against the skulls of his foes
It sucks to be them.

Short Round is not back
He was a bit of a yutz
Yay for Marion!

The "crystal skull" thing
Is really sort of stupid
They're total B.S.

Shia plays a Mutt
No, really, that's his name here
Yeah, sounds really dumb.

And finally, from the heart:

Twenty years later
A fourth film has now arrived
Hope it doesn't suck.

Congratulations are in Order

2008-05-20T20:23:00.002-04:00

In the wake of last week's landmark decision in California, Star Trek alum George Takei has announced his upcoming wedding to his partner of 21 years, Brad Altman.

A hearty mazl tov to the happy couple!

The Empire Strikes Barack

2008-05-17T19:16:00.001-04:00

Yay California!

2008-05-15T14:16:00.003-04:00

CNN is reporting that the California Supreme Court has struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriages as unconstitutional.

Civil Rights = Good.

Pointless Discrimination = Bad.

Good for California.

Here's hoping more states and nations follow suit, though I'm pretty sure the Mormon church will accept gay marriage before Georgia does.

Random Thoughts

2008-05-10T21:52:00.003-04:00

Dear, sweet, merciful Lord, please either make this Democratic primary end already, or deliver unto us sweet, sweet, Armageddon.
I really, really don't give a crap about Jenna Bush's wedding. Really.
I saw Iron Man last week. It was excellent. A huge improvement from the last Marvel film I saw, The Hulk. I find it funny that it took them all of five years to try and remake that piece of drek.
Speaking of movies, the good folks at Hulu.com have put some episodes of Speed Racer online. Weird, the way that happened the weekend the movie came out; you'd almost think they planned it that way. In any event, I watched a couple of episodes, and now I have even less desire to see the movie. Man, that show was dumb.
Doctor Who brought back the Sontarans a couple of weeks ago. Much like their resurrections of the Daleks and Cybermen, they did a great job of leaving the classic elements intact, but making them "edgier" and more realistic. (If such a thing is possible for a race of potato-shaped warriors that reproduce by cloning themselves.)
And speaking of Doctor Who, I'm watching the most recent episode. Man, the Doctor's daughter is hot!

Church of Scientology Using YouTube to Silence Criticism

2008-04-19T18:48:00.002-04:00

Please contact copyright@youtube.com and tell them to reinstate Mark Bunker's account.

Carolyn Porco takes us to Saturn

2008-04-18T16:26:00.002-04:00

A jaw-dropping, breath-taking-away (?) video from the 2007 Technology Entertainment Design (TED) Conference:

Best Deep Purple Cover Ever

2008-04-05T13:25:00.001-04:00

Wow. I mean, wow.

I Can't Believe I Never Saw This Before...

2008-03-13T23:28:00.004-04:00

From the "where the hell have I been" department:

I recently, quite by accident, ran across the excellent blog Blue Collar Scientist. I had not yet ran across this blog, despite meeting the actual Blue Collar Scientist at TAM 5.5. (I assumed it was his handle on the JREF Forum.)

In my opinion, there is nothing more important to science than educating people about it. The work of people like Carl Sagan and Isaac Asimov was so important in that regard, and it's encouraging to see a new generation of scientists take up the mantle. If there's such a thing as the "Lord's work," people like the BCS, Phil Plait, and the Mythbusters are doing it.

Gary Gygax Fails Saving Throw

2008-03-04T14:20:00.005-05:00

From CNN:

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin (AP) -- Gary Gygax, who co-created the fantasy game Dungeons & Dragons and helped start the role-playing phenomenon, died Tuesday morning at his home in Lake Geneva. He was 69.
He had been suffering from health problems for several years, including an abdominal aneurysm, said his wife, Gail Gygax.
Gygax and Dave Arneson developed Dungeons & Dragons in 1974 using medieval characters and mythical creatures. The game known for its oddly shaped dice became a hit, particularly among teenage boys, and eventually was turned into video games, books and movies.

More info about Gygax can be found on his Wikipedia article as well as the one on Dungeons & Dragons.

Every young nerdling plays D&D at least once, and I'm certainly no exception. Even my Dad played the first edition of "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons," back in the late 70s-early 80s (we probably still have his old set sitting around somewhere). I first started getting interested in the game while I was in high school, and I'm currently playing an Elf Ranger in a modified Ravenloft campaign that's been going on for something like two years.

D&D, AD&D, Second Edition, Third Edition, 3.5, and now Mattel is getting ready to release the Fourth Edition. D&D has been around a long, long time and gone through its upgrades, changes, modifications, and expansions. What began as a role-playing game based loosely on common Fantasy themes and Tolkien has expanded exponentially beyond its initial size. The adoption of the Open Gaming License (OGL) has paved the way for countless of do-it-yourself gamers to develop their own modules, extensions, and even complete games.

D&D wasn't the first role-playing game, but it was the first mass-marketed commercial RPG, and gaming has never been the same since. It's not an understatement to say that Gygax helped create a cultural phenomenon; we owe a lot to him, and this is a dark day for geeks everywhere.

RIP, Gary.

Attention Church of Scientology: Beware the Ides of March

2008-03-03T17:29:00.002-05:00

Best Video Ever

2008-02-29T19:51:00.003-05:00

Be Warned: The sheer amount of geek contained in this video can be overwhelming, and may cause heart palpitations in older geeks, and psychologically scar young geeklets. It is recommended that you refrain from drinking anything while watching, as it could cause Screen Splatter.

Is it just me...?

2008-02-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

Every time I see Mike Huckabee on television, I'm reminded of this music video. It's almost twenty years old, but it might as well have been released last Tuesday:

...And we're back!

2008-01-18T18:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the brief absence, my old Dell went to the Great Data Center In the Sky.

I am now set up with a nice shiny new machine, and will be posting lovely new rants for you soon. I am now working on the finishing touches of a touching piece where I ask a favor of Russell T. Davies. Stay tuned!

Movie Review: Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

2007-12-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Lovett: You're barking mad! Killing a man what done no harm to ya!
Sweeney Todd: He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.
Mrs. Lovett: Oh, well that's a different matter then. For a moment there I thought you lost your marbles.

When going to see a Tim Burton film, there are certain things you prepare yourself for. You know that you're going to see something "slightly off," you know the film will have a surrealistic quality to it, and you know that when the film is over you're going to be more convinced than ever that Burton uses some very sophisticated pharmaceutical products.

But you also know that the film you're about to see is going to be different; it's going to be something that you won't easily forget. For the past few years, the film industry has been dominated by remakes, adaptations, and sequels, and it's always good to have Burton around to shake things up, even if the film in question is a remake/adaptation itself.

The Sweeney Todd story is about 150 years old, and has a number of different variations. Usually it involves Todd, a homicidal barber; Mrs. Lovett, his partner-in-crime, who takes Todd's "leftovers" and makes a killing (har!) making them into meat pies; a naive servant who unwittingly helps them carry out their plans; Johanna, a young woman that Todd is apparently obsessed with, and her would-be lover, a sailor.

The story has been adapted various times into books, films, and plays. Back in the late 70s Stephen Sondheim, for reasons known only to the voices in his head, decided to take a 1973 play and turn into a hit musical. The musical was a Tony-award-winning Broadway hit, and the Tim Burton movie is the film adaptation of it.

The film's story is a bit different than the original "Penny Dreadful" versions. Benjamin Barker (Johnny Depp), a top-notch barber, returns to London from 15 years in an Australian penal colony. Once back home, he goes to his former home, which is now a meat pie shop owned by Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter). He "enjoys" one of her meat pies ("the worst in London"), and she recognizes him from days gone by.

After a brief conversation (well, song), we are informed that Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) got jealous of Barker's gorgeous wife (Laura Michelle Kelly), so the Judge had him shipped off to Australia. The wife poisoned herself, and the Judge took Barker's daughter Johanna as his ward. Upon hearing this news about the fate of his wife and child, Barker announces that he has renamed himself "Sweeney Todd" and vows revenge upon the Judge and his lackey, Beadle Bamford (Timothy Spall).

Meanwhile, Anthony Hope (Jamie Campbell Bower), a young sailor Barker/Todd befriended on the ship from Australia, notices the now-extremely-hot Johanna singing from her bedroom, and tries to get her attention. He succeeds, but also gets the attention of Judge Turpin, who invites him inside and informs him in no uncertain terms that he is not even to think about Johanna again, much less "gander" at her.

After making a name for himself by besting Signor Adolfo Pirelli (Sacha Baron Cohen) in a public shaving contest (really), Todd eventually succeeds in luring the Judge back to his parlor above Mrs. Lovett's meat pie shop. Just as he's about to get his slice on, Anthony bursts in, shouting that he's found the love of his life and Todd absolutely must help him "rescue" her. Turpin, royally pissed off, vows that no such thing will ever happen and, furthermore, he will not patronize a barber who associates with the likes of Hope.

This is the moment where everything changes; Todd, frustrated by losing (perhaps permanently) the opportunity to exact revenge on Turpin, vows to take it out on everyone, with a lovely ditty called "They All Deserve to Die." From there, the slicing n' dicing begins in earnest, and Mrs. Lovett's meat pies become instant hits.

When it comes to musical theater, finding actors that can act and sing becomes difficult; doubly so when it comes to film, because few film actors are experienced in musical theater. Burton apparently chose his leads for their acting ability, and as a result neither of them can sing worth a damn. Helena Bonham Carter made the effort, and was able to hold "sing" in key at least, but it must be said that Johnny Depp can't carry a tune in a bucket.

However, as dreadful as the singing was, it seemed to fit with the rest of the movie. In Burton films, everything is at least a little off-kilter, from set design to costumes to dialog. The fact that Depp sounds absolutely dreadful while singing only adds to the effect.

Mrs. Miggins

Zombies from Dawn of the Dead

Mrs. Lovett

Depp does "strange" like few people can, and really fits into the Sweeney Todd role. When he plays with his "friends", some of the flourishes he makes almost seem to be borrowed from the first Burton-Depp collaboration, Edward Scissorhands. Helena Bonham Carter fills the role of Mrs. Lovett well, easily switching from seductress to ambitious business woman to simple opportunist.

Her makeup, however, is a bit on the odd side. She looks like the unholy lovechild of Blackadder's Mrs. Miggins and an extra from a George Romero movie (see right).

The rest of the cast makes for an interesting group of people. Alan Rickman, of course, refuses to do anything poorly, despite the fact that he seems unfortunately typecast as the sinister Bad Guy-type figure. His time on-screen is short, but memorable; being a veteran of stage and screen, he remains one of the few actors in this musical who can actually sing.

Jamie Campbell Bower plays the hapless romantic Anthony Hope, who falls madly in love with Johanna after seeing her in a window. As with all such characters, I spent the rest of the movie hoping that he'd wind up in one of Mrs. Lovett's meat pies.

Timothy Spall, who plays Turpin's toady Beadle Bamford, is probably best known for playing Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew in the Harry Potter films. Truth be told, he seems to be playing the same character--Bamford doesn't seem quite as stupid as Wormtail, and he certainly has more hair on his head, but by and large aside from costume you'd think it was the same character.

The real unsung star of the show, in my opinion, is Sacha Baron Cohen, who only has a minor role, but still manages to steal the scene. His character, Signor Adolfo Pirelli, is a fraudulent barber who tries to sell people hair restoration "elixir," and dresses his servant Toby (Ed Sanders) in a long blonde wig to "prove" it.

Cohen's costume is nothing short of outrageous, and the hammed-up accent only accentuates it; he never seems quite sure whether he's trying to do Spanish, Italian, or French. His ego and bravado is absolutely hilarious.

Overall, the film is just a lot of fun, especially if you enjoy the macabre or dark humor. It's definitely not one to bring the kids to, and if you get squeamish at the sight of blood you may want to sit this one out.

But if you're in the mood for a fun, quirky, off-kilter slasher flick that doesn't devolve into "torture porn," then I can't recommend this one enough.

The World Has Stopped

2007-12-21T20:16:00.000-05:00

The world has stopped. Millions--nay, billions--of people around the world are holding their breath, waiting for the next bit of news. This crisis has gripped the world in a way nothing else has; the Cuban Missile Crisis, the OJ Trial, and even the Clinton-Lewinsky Affair all pale in comparison to the new scandal that has captured the world's attention.

I'm referring, of course, to the news that Britney Spears' little sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant.

I know, I know. Be sure to buy extra toilet paper and canned goods when you rush to the grocery stores; it's important to be prepared during a crisis.

According to the initial report, the 16-year old mother-to-be had this to say:

It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected...I was in complete and total shock and so was he.

Er, unexpected? Unexpected?

Now, far be it for me to criticize the President's emphasis on abstinence-only education, but it seems to me that, at the age of 16, she should have known something about basic biology. One would think that in this situation, a simple do-it-yourself Cosmo-style questionnaire would be sufficient to figure this out:

Are you and your boyfriend doing The Deed?
While doing The Deed, does your boyfriend wear the proverbial "raincoat?"

If you answered "yes" and "no" respectively, then it seems to me that it's hardly "unexpected" when a bun suddenly appears in the oven. "Unplanned," perhaps, but hardly "unexpected." Unless there has been a major change in developmental biology, this is the way the reproductive system is supposed to work.

Nickelodeon, the TV network for kids, is absolutely mortified; Jamie Lynn is the star of a popular show, Zoey 101, and suddenly they find themselves in a position where they have to explain this to millions of children. I don't envy them that; no matter what they do, they're going to get a lot of angry calls from parents. But I'm sure that when Nickelodeon decided that the star of their show should be from the Spears family, the idea that she might possibly embarrass them somehow was the farthest thing from their minds.

But here is where it gets interesting. It seems that Baby Spears' father, one Casey Aldridge, is 19 years old. "Age of consent" laws can vary widely from state to state, and depending on where The Act took place, he might find himself charged with statutory rape and put on a sex offender registry. I bet he's absolutely ecstatic that she blabbed his name to the press.

Clearly, you can see how this is a matter of national, even global, importance. So what now? How could the situation become even more ~~entertaining~~ serious?

Jamie Lynn decides to get an abortion. (And you thought the Terry Schiavo case had conservatives going nuts...)

Casey Aldridge contests paternity, saying "Aw, hell, there were at least six other guys there that night; it could've been any of us."

K-Fed demands visitation rights.

Jamie Lynn announces that she's going to raise the baby with her Life Partner--Ashlee Simpson.

But for now, all we can do is watch, hope, and pray that the Moral Fiber (Fibre?) of our nation remains intact. The last thing we need is for teenagers everywhere to suddenly start having sex.

Yay for Rebecca!

2007-12-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

My friend (or at least I'd like to think so) Rebecca Watson, fresh from her victory in the Public Radio Talent Quest, has gone on to record the pilot of her show, titled Curiousity Aroused.

The pilot has already been picked up by a radio station, KXOT in Seattle, Washington. The show will be airing on Sunday, December 23, at 1:00 p.m. So give it a listen when it airs, or if you can't wait, you can listen to the show here.

If you like what you hear--and I'm sure you will--please call your local NPR affiliate and ask them to pick up the pilot. Be sure to give them the link to listen and purchase, http://www.prx.org/pieces/22589.

2008's Comedy of Errors...

2007-12-18T20:34:00.000-05:00

The 2008 election "season" is in full swing, with a screaming crapload of candidates for the Republican and Democratic primaries. Ads are flying, attacks are coming from all sides, and everyone caught in the crossfire--that's you, me, "illegal immigrants," the family dog, everyone--is trying to duck in order to avoid the constant flow of high-flying bovine excrement.

Parties that don't happen to be the Democrats or Republicans get ignored, of course. What kind of democracy do you think we're running, here? Give third parties equal footing with the Republicrats, and next thing you know everybody will think they have the right to participate. But I digress.

In the beginning, there was the expected slew of candidates. On the Republican side, former New York City Mayor ~~Benito~~ Rudolph Giuliani immediately threw his hat into the ring, as the not-entirely-subtle scuttlebutt had been hinting at since September, 2001.

Then there was John McCain, who showed some surprising courage during the 2000 campaign by standing up to the religious right and decrying their bigotry. Well, Johnny learned his lesson. Since his 2000 defeat to George W. "Decider" Bush, he has worked hard to lick as much Christian-right tukhus as he could get his tongue on, just to give himself the slimmest chance of getting that coveted Republican nomination in 2008. In the meantime, all the moderates who once saw him as a independent voice who refused to kowtow to the Party Line now see him as little more than another pandering politician. Good going, John.

Mitt Romney, another Big Name candidate, followed his lead--formerly politically moderate, especially for a Republican, he swung way to the right. Within 15 years, he switched from pro-choice to anti-abortion, from pro-separation-of-church-and-state to pro-putting-God-in-schools, from pro-gun-control to pro-second-amendment, and from supporting gay rights (sorta) to extreme hostility. He's spent so much time racing to the right it looks like he's been chasing his tail.

Beyond those three, you had a gaggle of lesser names; Ron Paul, representing libertarians, neo-Nazis, and conspiracy theorists; Mike Huckabee, Sam Brownback, and Tom Tancredo representing the Christian fundamentalists; and a host of lesser-known candidates who didn't really care about winning so much as trying to get some face time on TV.

But then something else had the media all a-twitter. Somehow, and I have no idea how, Fred "the Guy from Law & Order" Thompson managed to generate almost as much media buzz as a missing pretty white girl. After being virtually drafted by the media, he confidently declared his candidacy...And promptly fizzled. It turned out that the last thing people wanted, even Republicans, was yet another paleo-conservative whose only difference from Dubya was the ability to hold a conversation without sounding like a complete idiot. (Please take note of the word "complete.")

So the campaign ran on (and on, and on, and on...) until a stunning upset that changed everything. Fresh from securing the white trash vote with endorsements from Chuck Norris and Ric Flair, former Baptist preacher Mike Huckabee suddenly started skyrocketing in the polls. The really amusing thing about Huckabee's jump from fringe-candidate to major front-runner has been the fact that now he has to act like a major candidate. For example, early in the campaign, at the first debate, Huckabee had no problem raising his hand when asked the following question:

When offered the chance to elaborate or "clarify" his position (i.e., spin), Huckabee didn't try to shy away from it (yet):

If you want to believe that you and your family came from apes, I'll accept that....I believe there was a creative process.

Well, now Mike's hemming and hawing a bit. He went from saying that he doesn't believe in evolution, to:

I believe God created the heavens and the Earth. I wasn't there when he did it, so how he did it, I don't know.

as well as

I don't think schools ought to indoctrinate kids to believe one thing or another.

Now, of course, he's having to contend with all sorts of stuff that really just doesn't look good for a major candidate. Apparently, in the 90s, he advocated the quarantine of AIDS patients. He didn't even try to apologize for it or admit error; instead, he tried to brush it off by chalking it up to ignorance of how the disease was spread. (Apparently, none of his handlers bothered informing him of the fact that it was well-known even by the mid-80s how HIV was spread. By 1992 it was hardly the Great Mystery that Huckabee apparently thinks it was.)

But that's far from the most embarrassing moment in the Huckabee campaign. My sides still hurt from laughing when he asked "Don't Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?" Here's the link. I can't make this stuff up. Then there was his endorsement of the Southern Baptist Convention's position that women should "graciously submit" to their husbands.

To top it all off, it seems that Huckabee has a "Willie Horton" all of his own; back in the 1990s, he campaigned to parole a convicted rapist, who killed a young woman a year or so later. What makes the case particularly interesting is not that he helped get a violent rapist out of prison; it's that the entire episode was nothing more than a lame-brained attempt to slander Bill Clinton.

It seems you can take the batshit-crazy conservative out of Arkansas, but you can't take the batshit-crazy out of the Arkansas conservative.

Speaking of batshit-crazy, Ron Paul has been making some waves recently. It seems that he's been able to raise a fair amount of money in a small amount of time; a whopping $6 million within 24 hours. Apparently, Paul has a very successful online campaign, but mysteriously, this has never translated into actual poll results. The highest he's gotten anywhere is in South Carolina, where he recently entered the double-digits for the first time with a staggering 11%. However, Paul is disappointed that it's his fundraising efforts, and not his ideas, that are getting the attention. He says:

It looks to me like money talks, and I like to say ideas talk ... [and that it's] my position on foreign policy and the monetary system that should have gotten the attention of the media

Ron Paul is a small-L libertarian. His positions include a return to the gold standard for currency, the abolition of national education, and he seriously believes that there is a move underway to destroy the United States and create a "North American Union." Don't believe me? Have a look. I don't know which is crazier, the NAU claptrap or his frequent appearances on Alex Jones's radio show. Alex Jones, you may recall, is the nutbar who thinks 9/11 was perpetrated by the Bush Administration.

Ron, my boy, you should be grateful that the media isn't paying attention to your ideas, because your ideas are bad ideas.

I'm sorry to say that, until recently, the Democratic field was much less entertaining, and much more depressing. The two major candidates have been Hillary Clinton, who seems to have little more going for her than name recognition and widespread nostalgia for the Clinton era, and Barack Obama, who's been groomed for a White House run since his capture of an Illinois Senate seat in 2004.

In third place you have John Edwards (not to be confused with the cold-reading douchebag), who has accomplished little more than sporting a stylish hairdo and pointing out (correctly) that Hillary Clinton is a an opportunistic, lying weasel who changes her political positions as frequently as most people change their underwear*.

In fourth place are Bill Richardson and Joe Biden, who seem to be trying to out-moderate each other, and Dennis Kucinich, whose only purpose is to try and sucker (and I do mean sucker) disgruntled progressives like myself back into the Democratic Party. Well, that and showing off his wife to the world. (I mean, wow! The man gives hope to short fugly guys everywhere.)

Clinton and Obama have been going at it for months. They've had constant attack ads, celebrity endorsements (Clinton has Bill, and Obama has The Oprah), and everything short of launching missile attacks on each other's campaign headquarters. (This story notwithstanding.)

Aside from watching Obama and Clinton constantly yell at each other, the main entertainment in recent weeks has been watching the Clinton campaign slowly implode. From mildly embarrassing debacles like the campaign staffers caught forwarding racist spam messages to trying to make an issue out of Obama's past drug use**, Clinton has gotten steadily more desperate as her poll numbers have gone down. It's even funny to watch her attitude change; a couple months ago, she was arrogantly assuming she had the race locked down tight ("they're not attacking me because I'm a woman, they're attacking me because I'm ahead"). Now she's so desperate she's actually launching a campaign to try and demonstrate that she has emotions. Carlin couldn't write anything this funny.

Then, recently, Bill Clinton started shoving his foot in his mouth (again). First he said that Obama's supposed inexperience made him a "risk," then said that he didn't really mean what he said. Then he claimed that George H.W. Bush, a.k.a. "The Smart One," would join him on an around-the-world trip once Hillary was elected to repair America's damaged reputation. To which the elder Bush replied that no, no, he wouldn't.

And so it goes. We're three weeks out from the first actual vote, the Iowa caucuses. In the meantime, the campaign keeps sputtering along, providing constant entertainment for those of us who think none of these bozos should be in office.

Whatever happens, I think we can all agree on one thing:

If the race winds up being Hillary Clinton versus Rudy Giuliani, this country is going to suffer from a major liquor shortage.

For now, I leave you with an appropriate video.

* Note: If you are unaware that this is supposed to mean "often," then please, change your clothes. Right now. Seriously.

** And unlike Bill Clinton, Obama at least figured out that the point was to inhale.

Best Campaign Video Yet...

2007-12-18T13:05:00.000-05:00

We Haven't Got a Prayer

2007-11-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

In his never-ending effort to prove to the world that Georgia is run by complete morons, Governor Sonny Perdue organized a prayer vigil at the State Capitol.

A small protest was organized by the Atlanta Freethought Society, a local organization of atheists and agnostics that have been active here for 20-odd years. You can read their press release on the protest here; the main thrust of their protest was that it was inappropriate, and unconstitutional, for the Governor to be organizing a prayer service. (One of their signs read "Pray on the Church Steps, not the Capitol Steps," and another read "Hail Priest-King Perdue.")

Now, let me be clear about something: AFS' position is correct. It is inappropriate and unconstitutional for the Governor to be organizing what amounts to a church service on the Capitol steps. (I do think, however, the "Priest-King" bit was a wee bit over the top.) However, despite that, I think the focus of AFS' protest missed the mark.

My main problem is not that Perdue led a prayer service for rain. Hey, this is the South--if you don't develop a thick skin when it comes to public officials talking Jesus, you probably should move to England, where such behavior is considered to be in very poor taste. (Ironically, unlike the United States, the UK does have an official state religion. Go figure.)

My problem is that this is the most constructive thing he's done about the situation! His only substantial response to the crisis has been to pressure the Army Corps of engineers to stop the releases of water from Lake Lanier. Hey, that's great, but as I pointed out here a couple weeks ago, it's not going to help. Atlanta is growing too fast, and uses too much water.

AFS misses the mark, in my opinion, by focusing on the church-state issue and not on trying to pressure Perdue to work on constructive solutions--finding new sources of water, and fixing the infrastructure so that the next time a drought comes along we're not left wondering if we're going to be able to shower in three months. Las Vegas is a major metropolis that has grown in the middle of the desert, so we're not talking about an impossible task, here. Just one that requires some work, dedication, and (horror of horrors) some investment in public works and planning for the future of the metro Atlanta area and the state as a whole.

My outrage at the prayer service is directed at the fact that Governer Sonny is engaging in useless gestures of faith rather than focusing on real solutions to the water crisis. Had AFS focused on that, rather than the inappropriateness of the prayer, in my opinion the protest would have involved hundreds, rather than the 20-something that showed up.

First High-def Video of the Moon

2007-11-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer, has a writeup on the high-resolution imagery of the Moon returned by a Japanese probe. Very, very cool.

In related news, China's first lunar probe has entered "working orbit," meaning that it's in position to begin studying the lunar surface.

It's good to see a renewed interest in space exploration; here's hoping it keeps up.

Skepticism vs. Credulism

2007-11-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

Dennis Kucinich, perennial presidential candidate, made a few waves last week when he confirmed an account in Shirley MacLaine's book about seeing a UFO. According to MacClaine:

[Kucinich] had a close sighting over my home in Graham, Washington, when I lived there. Dennis found his encounter extremely moving. The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for ten minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn’t comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.

Wow. A triangular craft, a "connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind." Heavy stuff. The Bad Astronomer has a more detailed write-up on this, so I won't go into detail except to say that this essentially confirmed my opinion that Kucinich is, to use psychological terminology, Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs. (This should have been obvious from the fact that he's friends with Shirley MacLaine, who believes she is the reincarnated spirit of an ancient Atlantean.)

Well, Kucinich isn't the first presidential candidate to have an "encounter." Jimmy Carter turned a few heads Back In the Day when he told a story about seeing an unidentified object with flashing lights while still farming peanuts.

However, Carter's approach has been slightly different. He recently commented about his "sighting" to CNN:

When I was back as a peanut farmer in southwest Georgia, I and about 25 others saw something in the air that changed colors and was round and came and left. We couldn't figure out what it was.

Nothing in there about connections in his heart, or directions in his mind. "We couldn't figure out what it was." Carter went on to say that he definitely doesn't think it was space aliens:

It was unidentified as far as we were concerned, but I think it's impossible in my opinion, some people disagree, to have space people from other planets or other stars to come to us — I don't think that's possible.

I hope Carter's wrong about the impossibility of interstellar travel, but he may well be correct. (I'm nowhere near smart enough to comment on the physics behind it.) My point is that rather than go on about feeling all warm and fuzzy from a connection with an otherworldly being, he points out that he just doesn't know what it was, but it probably wasn't space aliens.

People see stuff all the time that they can't explain. This goes back to my previous post about how people fit what they see into their preconceived notions; flashing lights in the sky does necessarily mean aliens want you to bring world peace. Chances are there is a more mundane explanation--"unexplained" is not a synonym for "unexplainable." Sometimes you just don't know, but you know what? There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference is whether you choose to accept that, like Carter did, or try to tack on metaphysical philosophy, like Kucinich and MacLaine do.

(Mis) Identifying Critters

2007-11-02T10:27:00.000-04:00

A while back the news broke that a body purported to be the famed "Chupacabra" had been found in Texas. The Chupacabra (Spanish for "goat-sucker") supposedly has terrorized farmers in Mexico, Texas, and Puerto Rico, killing goats and various other farm animals. Apparently, the concept of some natural creature killing farm animals was a bit too hard to believe, so the semi-supernatural Chupacabra story was born.

Oddly, eyewitnesses never saw the same creature, so descriptions of the creature varied, from the mundane to the bizarre. The critter found in Texas was decidedly dog-like, while Wikipedia gives us the artist's rendition you see on the right (whom I have decided to call "Fluffy").

Of course, there are an awful lot of different critters that might find a goat or chicken to be a tasty snack, so the reason for the varied descriptions is probably because people didn't see the same creature. As far as visuals like Wikipedia's, well, let's just say that a lot of these sightings occurred at night, when people couldn't see very clearly. It's also worth noting that many of these "reports" don't include descriptions of any interesting beverages that may have been imbibed.

Well, it turns out after DNA testing that the "Chupacabra" found in Texas was, in fact, merely a hairless coyote. (I'm not going to post an image, because A) it's copyrighted and B) it's kinda gross-looking. Click the CNN link if you're really interested.)

In similar news, there is a new "Bigfoot " photo that's making the rounds, taken in my home state of Pennsylvania (which as we all know is a hotbed of Sasquatchery). The Pennsylvania Game Commission is fairly adamant that it's a bear, and let's face it--it looks exactly like a bear, even down to the whole "walking on four legs" bit. The Bigfoot Field Research Organization, which has been known to jump on any purported Bigfoot photo as genuine, is adamant that the photo shows an actual Sasquatch. They don't seem to be the least bit bothered by the fact that Bigfoot is supposed to be bipedal, not a four-legged creature or knuckle-walker (like a chimpanzee or gorilla).

Let's recap:

Walks on four legs, like a bear.
Looks like a skinny, mangy bear.
Pennsylvania Game Commission, which is in charge of cataloging the fauna in the fine Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, says it's a bear.
Bigfoot is (supposedly) bipedal, not a quadruped or knuckle-walker.
It's a %^&$ing bear!

I was fascinated by Bigfoot as a kid, and to this day nothing would make me happier than to learn there really was a mysterious bipedal primate romping around through North America. Firm evidence, however, this ain't.

I find it interesting the way people try to fit something in to what they want to believe. A grilled cheese sandwich that looks vaguely like a human face was sold for an ungodly (har!) amount of money, because people want to believe that the Virgin Mary is sending a message. People see Uri Geller bend a spoon, and decide that it can't be a cheap magic trick because they want to believe in psychic powers.

Unfortunately, what people want to believe does not necessarily correspond with reality.

Words Cannot Describe...

2007-10-31T20:31:00.000-04:00

So I was, once again, polluting my brain by searching YouTube and looking for videos to satisfy my bizarre taste in music, when I happened across this little gem.

I present the best of 1970s Soviet pop music, VIA Plamya, with special guest appearances by Yuri Bogatikov and the Red Army Choir:

But wait, there's more! I give you—the reunion tour!

The Master Speaks!

2007-10-30T10:22:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not talking about Roger Delgado.

I'm talking about one of the great masters of science fiction, the one and only Isaac Asimov. While surfing YouTube, an activity slightly less addictive than crack (and much less healthy), I found these two clips of Asimov discussing the early history of science fiction. Enjoy!

More Bush Administration Idiocy

2007-10-29T13:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Phil Plait has an excellent summary of the latest stupidity courtesy of ideologues in the Bush administration. It seems that this time, they felt that it was appropriate to remove significant references to global warming from a CDC report to Congress.

In the wise words of the Doctor:

The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common: they don't alter their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit the views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.

The problem is that at this point the "very powerful" and the "very stupid" happen to be the same group of people.

RIP Porter Wagoner

2007-10-29T10:44:00.000-04:00

My heart broke this morning when I woke up to discover that Porter Wagoner passed away at the age of 80.

Many people don't remember this, but there was a time when country music didn't suck, before it became little more than pop music with a Southern accent. Wagoner is from the era where country music was just that; music from the country, sung by working-class people about life, death, love, heartbreak, crime, punishment, religion, and so on. Much like Johnny Cash, his death marks the end of an era in music.

You can read a full obituary at CNN, so I won't bore you with another one. But I'd like to send one small tribute, courtesy of Larry Cordle & Lonesome Standard Time, out to Porter, and Johnny, and Waylon, and Hank Sr., and Vassar, and all the other legends who are no longer with us:

The Drought

2007-10-28T13:05:00.000-04:00

The major news in Georgia for the past few months, especially the Atlanta area, has been the drought. The entire Southeast has been in a major drought for the past few years, and it's taking a toll on our water supply. Lake Lanier, the metro Atlanta's main water source, is running critically low. Estimates on exactly how low vary, but the consensus seems to be that if something doesn't change soon, Lanier may run out of clean water in a little as three months.

The governor, Sonny Perdue*, is blaming the Army Corps of Engineers. The Corps is responsible for maintaining Buford Dam on Lanier, and they've been releasing billions of gallons of water daily. The Corps claims that they are required to do so by federal legislation; it seems that there are some endangered species of mussels and sturgeon living downstream that are believed to depend on fresh water from the Chattahoochee river. The problem there is, nobody really knows whether they need it or not. To release so much water in the middle of an impending water crisis is, to say the least, irresponsible. So Governor Sonny has sued the Corps and begged the Bush administration to stop the releases.

Getting involved in the brouhaha is the governments of Alabama and Florida, who definitely do not want the water releases stopped; Alabama runs a power plant that is dependent on the Hooch for water, and Florida wants its mussels to survive. (This particular resource battle has been in the making for something like 20 years.)

Still another group are the environmentalists, who (correctly) claim that the problem has been exacerbated by the metro Atlanta area's rapid (and continuing) development. They've been calling on the state and city to put stricter controls on development, slowing it as much as possible.

The problem is, everybody is completely and utterly wrong.

Perdue is correct in that the Corps' release of water is irresponsible. However, the Corps is also correct in that even if they stopped all release, it's not going to fix the problem; at most, it would postpone the crisis. His entire response to the crisis is to lean on the Corps to stop the releases, and that's simply not enough. More than that, it's completely irresponsible.

The environmentalists are correct in that the rapid development of Atlanta has been a major part of the problem. The population has doubled over the past 20 years; this takes a toll on resources. However, much like the Corps' water release, even if all development came to a screeching halt today, we still use too much water. Not only would the crisis still be going on, but the economy would suffer and we'd be out of water.

At the heart of the issue is the state of Georgia's inability to plan and unwillingness to invest in public works projects. Another example of this is the area's traffic problem; Atlanta has one of the worst traffic problems of any city in the US. MARTA, the transit system, is a shambles--it receives no funding from the state (unlike every other mass transit system in the US), and is constantly operating in the red. Rather than fund MARTA, the state's position is to build more roads. They even, last year, voted in legislation to allow buses to drive on the highway shoulders--despite the fact that the Georgia Department of Transportation testified that it was a bad idea.

Really, there's no good way out of this except to find another water source. The problem is, going that route would take longer than we currently have water for. So what we need right now is an emergency solution to preserve our current water supply, and invest in a future water supply.

The problem is, I don't think any of the officials involved are capable or willing to do this. Governor Sonny has ordered us to drop water us by 10%, as if that will help. The Corps has said it will ignore any requests from the State to stop releasing water. It would be nice of them to at least talk to us.

That moron Neal Boortz, a popular Republitarian** talk-radio host based in Atlanta, has even advocated that Governor Sonny send in the National Guard and take Buford Dam by force. (Psst...Hey Neal...The last time Georgia went to war against the feds it didn't turn out so well, remember?)

Meanwhile, water-rich Macon has offered to truck in water to Atlanta, and Atlanta has declined.

Yeah...This is going to turn out well.

* Yes, we really have a governor named Sonny. Welcome to the South.

** I coined the term "Republitarian" especially for Boortz. He claims to be a libertarian, claims to support lesser government, but he spends his entire show supporting conservatives, the Bush administration, and the Republican party--in everything, from the clusterfrack in Iraq to global warming denial.

Rats!

2007-10-27T22:01:00.000-04:00

GoDaddy is telling me that I can't do Apache 2 on their shared hosting service, so if I want to use Studs on my site I either have to do some serious PHP hacking, switch to another provider, or get a Virtual Dedicated Service, which runs $30 a month if I get the "economy" plan from GoDaddy. It would be useful to get a VDS, but that $30 doesn't get me much--a mere 10 GB of space. If I get the Premium plan, I get all of 50 GB--but it runs $100 a month. But for that kind of money, I can get a real server from a dozen other providers, with a hell of a lot more than 50 GB of space.

So I've got some thinking to do on that score, but I'm thinking that I can probably get a better VDS deal with someone else.

In Other News...

2007-10-27T13:24:00.000-04:00

I have a party to go to tonight, but I seemed to have sprained my ankle somehow, and walking hurts like hell. I'm also out of rabbit food, which is not making Chainsaw and Spike very happy. Bah.

I'm in the process of building a new personal website, using Studs, an MVC framework for PHP based on the Java Struts model. Studs seems pretty cool and works reasonably well; I do question how well it would work in a production environment, but from running it on my local machine it seems fairly efficient. Unfortunately, it looks like nobody's done any Studs development in about a year, so if I hit some snags I'm pretty much on my own.

The main snag I've found so far has less to do with Studs and more to do with hosting. An important Apache directive for Studs to work is AcceptPathInfo, which is an Apache 2 option; GoDaddy runs my site on Apache 1.3. I sent them a note about upgrading to Apache 2, and hopefully that is a viable option.

And finally, a miscellaneous YouTube video:

Sarah McLachlan, singing "the Foggy Dew" with the Chieftains. *swoon*

GA Supreme Court Orders Gennarlow Wilson Freed

2007-10-26T11:01:00.000-04:00

From the AJC:

The Georgia Supreme Court on Friday ordered the release of Genarlow Wilson, the Douglas County teenager who has been serving a controversial 10-year sentence for consensual oral sex.

The court's 4-3 decision upholds a Monroe County judge's ruling that the sentence constituted cruel and unusual punishment under both the Georgia and U.S. constitutions.
The majority opinion said the sentence appeared to be "grossly disproportionate" to the teenager's crime and noted that it was out of step with current law.

It's about damn time. This guy's been sitting in prison for the past couple of years for getting a blow job from his girlfriend. The "crime" was "aggravated child molestation." The girlfriend was 15, he was 17. Yeah, 10 years in prison for that makes perfect sense.

Update: CNN is covering the story as well.

Someone Explain This to Me

2007-10-25T16:20:00.000-04:00

For the love of (insert preferred deity here), why is this still news?

OK, I get it, she was vaguely popular in Britain. But it's been ten fracking years now, and Princess Di's death is still making headlines.

Look, she's dead. She's been dead for a good long while now. Why do we still need constant press releases on the fact that she is, in fact, still dead?

A blatant appeal to the media: Just stop. Kill the story already. Put it in a Mercedes, chase it with paparazzi, and kill it already.

Too much?

Stargate: Atlantis Renewed

2007-10-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

The Sci Fi channel has opted to renew Stargate: Atlantis for a fifth season. w00t! The show is currently in its fourth season, and a new show in the Stargate franchise (Stargate Universe) is currently in development.

Now, I like the Stargate shows. I know, they're silly, they're cheesy, and the "science" is nothing more than long words plucked from writers' rectums. But that's what makes them fun. They don't even try to take themselves seriously, which is a large part of what makes the shows enjoyable.

Season 4 of Atlantis has been a little slow so far, so the renewal is (to me) a little surprising. Hopefully, they'll take their year and make something happen with it.

Welcome To My Little Corner Of the Web

2007-10-25T11:00:00.001-04:00

Welcome! I'm new to the whole "blogosphere" thing. Maybe this will be interesting, maybe it won't. Time will tell.

Life From Under the Toilet? Whaaa...?

One of my pet rabbits, Spike, likes to hang out under the toilet in my bathroom. I really don't know why, but it seems like an interesting way to look at the world.

So Who the Hell Are You, Anyway?

I'm Cleon, a 30-year-old web developer currently residing in Roswell, Georgia. I enjoy geeky books, movies, and television, playing my various musical instruments, long walks on the beach...

More to come, as soon as I figure out anything interesting about myself.